kushangel:

My mom just told me that the extended family decided not to give any gifts to anyone over the age of 18 this year because everyone’s tight on money but I’m literally the only kid over the age of 18 so this was specifically decided with me in mind and I’m putting rat poison in the Christmas ham

(via cocon-ut)

mum: you haven't moved since I left the house 5 hours ago wtf
me: excuse me where do you think these chips came from

t3sticl3z:

i hate when guys say “wow its ssooOO unattractive when girls swear. thats not lady like”

U KNOW WHAT, YOU LITTLE FUCK

ITS NOT ATTRACTIVE WHEN U SCRATCH UR FUCKIN HAIRY NUTS IN PUBLIC

BITCH

(via cocon-ut)

spainstateofmind:

thebadwolf:

Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful.

you can go fuck yourself

(via cocon-ut)

trapsical:

*phone rings*

*stares at phone until person hangs up*

*texts them*

(Source: metalburger, via cocon-ut)